My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
