question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
