Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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