she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
