dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
