Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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