I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
