Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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