I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
