I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
