everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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