i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Its about making memories worth repressing
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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