i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
