I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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