I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
