i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
