Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
