so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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