Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As shirtless as possible
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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