Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
