You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
