I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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