North Korea, Best Korea!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
