Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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