I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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