I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
