Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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