sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
