I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wish there were birth control emojis
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
