it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need to calm my uterus...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
