Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
