I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
