i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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