i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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