I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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