I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
