remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
