Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
