There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
