Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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