I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
