I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
We named our party play list daddy issues
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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