Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
