dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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