They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
