My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
