i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Say something about gay babies.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
