I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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