i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
