VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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