apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
