woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you win again, gameday.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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